4th day overdue…

Mia must be pretty darn comfy in there

We had a 9:15am doctor’s appointment today.  I woke up at 6:30am, as I do every morning to give the dog her meds, and had a realization.  This could be the last time I’m home before checking into the hospital…and I’m not done cleaning!  Chances are, we’ll be needing someone to stay at our house to dog-sit Roxi while we’re in the hospital, and this house isn’t up to code for a house guest just yet.  I went into full force cleaning and organizing mode.  In an hour’s time, I gave the dog her pills, gave the other one his potty break, hung up my clean laundry in the closet, put dishes away, washed a few more, cleaned counter-tops, picked up dog toys, double-checked my baby/hospital bag and continued to add last minute items to it, 409’d the inside of our shower while showering, quickly put my face on, got dressed, blow-dried my hair and made myself a bowl of cereal for the road.  Whew!  And…I still had more to do and we were about 10-15 minutes late to the appointment.  I think I was experiencing a bit of anxiety at the same time as needing something to do or focus on so that my mind wouldn’t wander off and fixate on the fact that I may not be coming home tonight.  Why?  Because I’m preparing to go through the most physical pain I’ll ever know, changing my body even more than it has…forevermore.  Judge me if you will, but no part of me is excited to endure this.  Sometimes, I feel like Wonder-Woman and think, “I’ve run a marathon in 4 1/2 hours without stopping once.  I can totally do this!  No problem!”  Other times, I wonder if I can handle it, and no matter how many other babies there will be sharing the same floor as me, I will be the biggest one of all.

Okay, so about the appointment.  I mentioned to my doctor that last night and this morning, I had some clear-ish and watery fluid leak out and I wondered if it was the start of my bag rupturing?  Wasn’t sure.  She performed 3 different tests to determine if the fluid was in fact, amniotic or not.  All 3 were negative.  One was painful.  The tool she stuck up me looked like a metal bird’s beak that she stuck in super far and opened up the “beak” once inside to do…whatever it was she had to do.  After determining that my water hasn’t broken yet, she checked my cervix for dilation.  She said that there was a definite change since last week, and that I’m at about 2 cm!  We then wanted to check Mia’s heartbeat and activity, so I was strapped to 2 different monitors and had to be observed and recorded for 20 minutes while I just sat back and read a magazine.  Dominic stood on his feet nearly the whole time, checking out the monitor that was spitting out paper with all the recordings.  Turns out I was having some slight contractions every 5 minutes or so…I didn’t feel em’.  At first, Mia wasn’t moving so the doctor “zapped” my belly.  Don’t worry, not really a “zap”, but that’s just what they call it.  It’s a little hand-held device that makes a really loud alarm noise and just startles the baby.  Yup, as soon as she put the device to my belly and pressed the button, Mia jumped up and so did her heart rate.  We were then able to observe her movements and everything’s looking just great.  The doctor then performed an exterior ultrasound so that we could see Mia on the computer screen.  She’s in the perfect position and has more than enough amniotic fluid surrounding her.  All great stuff.  The doctor kept hinting to us that she has a feeling that Mia is close to making her debut.  She thinks that we’ll be in the hospital and kicking it into full-gear by the weekend.  More good news, my doctor is on-call this weekend!  She’ll be performing the delivery.  Now if Mia does NOT come on her own over the weekend, I’ve been scheduled to be induced on Monday at 6am!  If I let Mia go past her due date too long, and she gets to be too big…there could be complications…something like the blood or oxygen supply decreasing and the amniotic fluid not being enough to accommodate her.  Something like that.

  When I got home, I was relieved that I’d be sleeping another night at home and in my bed.  I was also exhausted.  I slept on the couch for about 3 hours.  I also walked up and down my driveway for about 15 minutes to try and induce labor.  No such luck.

While I’ve been waiting for baby and in between my dog-care and house chores and blog posting, I’ve started reading a new book on Motherhood.  I’m not very far into yet, but so far it’s been quite comical and I’ve found myself already relating to what the author’s had to say.  It’s called Confessions of a Scary Mommy: An Honest And Irreverent Look At Motherhood – The Good, The Bad, And The Scary, by Jill Smokler.

     The author mentioned early on that she began a blog at the beginning of her mommyhood experience to give herself something to do between motherly duties.  A few years after starting her site, she added an anonymous confessional, giving her mommy readers a place to release some honesty and to vent the joys and frustrations of being a parent. In the beginning of each chapter, the author includes a short list of these “confessions” made anonymously by mommies from all over.  Here are a FEW of my favorite real confessions that she includes in her book:

  • I joined a gym just for the free day care.  I drop the kids off and read magazines and blogs in the locker room.
  • I kiss my young teenager good-bye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics.  Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands.
  • My pregnancy has been blissfully easy, but I pretend to be crippled with exhaustion just so I can be alone.  Otherwise, I might kill my  husband.
  • I’m going on day three without a shower.  Sadly, I’m not even dying to take one.
  • Motherhood is having your toddler throw up nasty fake-grape smelling Pedialyte in your hair, lay her down on your shoulder, and say, “I want Daddy.”
  • To get my kids all to smile for pictures, I burp on command.  Always makes them laugh.
  • My husband manages to “sleep through” our hungry infant every night.  Last night I pulled all the covers off of him, threw them on the floor, and slammed the door on my way out.  He didn’t sleep through that.
  • I put vodka in my orange juice this morning.

Here’s a little peek into Chapter One: Being A Scary Mommy:

     Motherhood isn’t a chain of wondrous little moments strung together in on perfectly orchestrated slide show.  It’s dirty and scary and beautiful and hard and miraculous and exhausting and thankless and joyful and frustrating all at once.  It’s everything.  Anyone who claims that motherhood is oly the good stuff is simply in denial (or she’s on some serious drugs).  Admitting that this job isn’t easy doesn’t make somebody a bad mother.  At least, it shouldn’t.

We’re all on this ride together.  We are not the first ones to ever accidentally tell our children to shut up, or wonder-just for a moment-what it would be like if we’d never had children.  We aren’t the first mothers to feel overwhelmed and challenged and not entirely fulfilled by motherhood.  And we certainly won’t be the last.

Nothing can be lost by admitting our weaknesses and imperfections to one another.  In fact, quite the opposite is true.  We will be better mothers, better wives, and better women if we are able to finally drop the act and get real.  Who are we pretending to for, anyway?  It is my hope that no other mother feels as alone as I felt those first few months of motherhood.  There are millions of us mothers, all feeling the same way, all across the globe.  All we need to do is find one another.

Scary Mommies of the world, unite!

 A few other chapters ahead:

Chapter 2: THIS Is Supposed to Be Beautiful?

Chapter 3: Yes, You’ll Shit on the Delivery Table

Chapter4: Are The Really Letting Me Take This Thing Home?

I’m not even half-way through and it’s already got my recommendation.  I picked mine up at Target :)

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