The scoop on why I’m waiting to find out the sex…

Is it a boy? Is it a girl?

babycarone3(18 weeks)

That’s the million dollar question these days around here. And the answer? You’ll find out as soon as I do, sometime in the beginning of April 2015.

Yes, I’m pregnant (almost 24 weeks) and yes, we’re waiting to find out the sex of this little bebe until the birth. When I had first found out I was pregnant and shared the big news with my mom, I had told her that I wanted to wait to find out the sex. She sort of brushed off that little detail of our conversation and it wasn’t until weeks later that she was all like…”WELL? Do you know what you’re having yet?” Yeah, she totally thought I was joking with the whole waiting thing and just couldn’t understand why in the heck I’d want to do that.

So for all of you (my mom included) who think I’m crazy or just can’t understand why I want to wait, I thought I’d collect my reasons and thoughts on the matter and share them with you here.

babycarone1(18 weeks)

MY REASONS TO WAIT

  • I think we can all agree that pregnancy and giving birth is one of life’s most amazing and precious miracles, right? It’s mind boggling to me how all of this is possible. It’s such a process, from beginning to end, and even though I play a huge role in this process, I sometimes feel like I’m not in control of it, like it’s so much bigger than me and like I’m just along for the ride. It’s all a mystery to me and I feel like it’s not my place to sneak a peek at what’s behind the curtain. I almost feel like it’s not my surprise to ruin. And with technology these days, we live in a world of “NOW”. We’d rather have immediate satisfaction than to hold out for a possible greater satisfaction down the road. When I’m feeling weak in my decision to wait and get that urge to just call up the doctor to spill the beans, I just picture this scenario in my head:  my husband is watching the whole birth (like he did with Mia) and I see his face as he discovers with his own eyes what we have made together, and then I hear him announce with a shaky and choked up voice, “It’s a ……!!!!” And then I envision him running into the waiting room to announce the news to the very anxious and eager group of loved ones who can’t wait to find out as much as us. I mean, it’s all priceless. I know it’s a moment that we’ll all never forget and I so look forward it.
  • I don’t know if this is true, but it makes sense…I’ve heard that when you don’t know the sex, the labor isn’t as awful because you’re so excited to find out what you’re having that it captures a lot of your focus and keeps you more driven. That could be all bullshit, but I like to believe that there’s some truth in it.
  • 9 months is quite a long ride to be on and at times it feels like the slowest one, too. It’s easy to become distracted along the way with lesser important things than the growing life inside of you. With my first born, I had to find out right away what we were having. I mean, how would I know what color clothes to buy? How would I know what theme I was to decorate the nursery? How would I know which items to register for, for my baby shower? How would I decide on a name? There was just too much that depended on knowing the sex. So of course, after finding out that we were having a girl, I spent A LOT of time online searching through Pinterest for nursery decor ideas. I spent a lot of time browsing through clothes and accessories to buy her. I spent a lot of time choosing items for my registry, along with reading hundreds of reviews for all of them. It’s like if I wasn’t at work, I was on the computer. Sure, all of the time was spent with my daughter’s best interest in mind, but I feel like I was focusing on the idea of her, or on future her (after birth) rather than on her, at that moment in time, in my belly. Basically, I was focusing on stuff and things. There was also a whole lot of other things going on at the time that took my attention away (getting engaged, getting married, looking for a place to live with my new husband and moving in together, all before she was born). But because of it all, I look back and feel like I missed out on creating a strong connection or bond with my unborn baby. I was so concerned with everything else that I didn’t take the time to just be, to just sit back and savor the whole process that I was so fortunate to be a part of. THIS TIME AROUND, I hope to have the opposite experience. I want to slow life down, I want to remain cool and calm and collected. I want to focus on every little thump and bump in my belly. I want to actually enjoy (when I’m not nauseous or tired or moody or aching) my pregnancy and take it all in. Because, I don’t know for certain that I’ll have another. I like the idea of having more kids but I’d like to see how we all do with 2 kids before deciding on a third. I want to focus on forming a relationship with my unborn baby before he/she even arrives. I think waiting to find out the sex will help me with those goals.

babycarone2(head scratching)

After saying all of that, I admit that part of me really wants to know. I’d love to be able to refer to my baby by his/her first name. I’d love to be able to tell my 2 1/2 year old that there’s a boy/girl in my belly so that we can call it him/her rather than just “the baby.” I’d love to hear my daughter refer to the baby with his/her first name. But when I put all of my reasons on my hypothetical scale, waiting to find out outweighs, by far, finding out now. I’m a little surprised, honestly, that I’ve managed to wait this long. Even though this was a decision I had made even before becoming pregnant, I’m not always the type to stick to things. I easily cave and it’s really not in my nature to be so patient. But what also helps me stick it out is the fact that we already have all of the essential baby gear saved from Mia. And, newborns pretty much live in simple onesies, wrapped up in receiving blankets anyways. I’ll have plenty of time to order and /or shop around for boy themed clothing and other items. Obviously if it’s a girl, then I’m pretty much set.

I’d like to thank my husband for being such a good sport about this decision. He wasn’t thrilled about it at first, but he’s come around to it and now feels secure in waiting it out.

I’d lastly like to say that my gut tells me that I’m having a boy. Before Mia came along, I had ALWAYS wanted to have a boy first. When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately felt like I was having a girl. I don’t know why, I just did. I wasn’t at all surprised to find out that the baby was in fact, a girl. It could have been a coincidence that I was right, or it could have been my impressive instincts…I guess we’ll just have to wait and see with this one just how impressive I am. I can honesty say that I’m completely okay with either sex. On one hand, I’d love to parent one of each, boy and girl. On the other hand, I’ve never had a sister and know nothing of that kind of relationship. If I have another girl, I’ll get to experience the bond of sisterhood through my children. Whatever is meant to be, will be, and I’m at complete peace with that. The ONLY thing that makes me hope that it is a boy more than a girl is the fact that we have a boy name picked out! I mean, it’s set in stone. A girl’s name is proving to be so much harder to agree on than I thought it would. I’m seriously worried that we won’t come up with one in time. Having a boy would make this name thing so much easier!

So there you have it, a long ass post on why I want to wait to find out the sex of our baby (who’s been moving around constantly since I’ve started writing this). I’d love to hear about when you found out the sex of your baby and/or if you waited….and the reasons behind it. Share!

Comments

  1. We found out with Lucy, and will find out with any subsequent pregnancies! I guess for me (being a control freak) because there’s so much you can’t control in pregnancy it’s so nice to at least know the gender to prepare in that way. I get why people don’t find out…but I think I wouldn’t feel ready for the baby if I didn’t know!

    • Courteney, I’ve been so comfortable with this decision (which isn’t at all like me…not being in control) up until about 2 weeks ago. All of a sudden I’m like, what the heck are we doing??!! I have to know! I’m dying to know! Who is inside me!? It just got tough and both of us want to know but we’ve come this far already (over halfway) and we keep telling ourselves to “wait one more week, see how we feel then” and if we can keep that up then he/she will be here before we know it. Well…in theory this plan is perfect :)

  2. I’m excited and can’t wait to see this little poop factory.

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